Write an essay for an educated non-specialist on the following topic: More and more young people are sudying and working overseas and this will help to bring about greater international co-operation in the furture.<br />
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In current days, the number of young people studying and working abroad is greatly increased, which will undoubtedly bring more interational co-operation.<br />
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In about a decade ago, studying and working overseas is seldomly discussed in our daily life. However, during recent years, we can see more and more people are doing it. For me, serval days ago, I heard that one of my classmate in junior middle school migrate to Austrialia with her husband, and serval of my university classmates are studying abroad in American and Singapore. Also, the increasing number of migrate and education agent in streets, can show the popularity of studying and working abroad.<br />
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When people work or study abroad, they bring with them the culture of their countries. When they communicate and make friends with local people, the different culture exchanges with each other. As in Shanghai, foreigners who work and live here are learning to use chopsticks while local people are having lunch in Papa John's. As the increasing of exchanges between different culture, people all over the world are getting more and more open minded, and having more concern on international events.<br />
<br />
Besides the culture exchanges, techniqual exchanges between countries are very common now. Many companies have branches in foreign countries. And many people who study overseas choose to go back to work in their motherland. These help improve the international technique exchanges. The latest technolodgy will spread between countries in a short time.<br />
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Further more, advanced countries and developing countries are gathering around to discuss how to overcome golable problems, such as climate, evenvironment protection etc. As time goes on, there must be more co-operation between countries.<br />
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第一个改正稿。。。。<br />
感谢小小白虎，albert-shen08，R08813的帮助，洞穿了这么多单词拼写、用错词组、用错时态、单复数等等等错误。 最重要的是，帮我指出文章立意上的不足。。。但是这个是先天缺失，不能通过修改来进步。。就像R08813说的：I would have rewritten your essay completely. 其实我也很想 rewritten completely，可是，关于这个话题真的不知道说什么好啊，有虾米可以说的啊，所以先改语法等可以改的错误，于是有了第一个改正稿。。。<br />
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Nowadays, the number of young people studying and working abroad has dramatically increased. This will lead to greater interational co-operation, in culture and technology fields especially.<br />
<br />
In about ten years ago, studying and working overseas was seldom mentioned in daily life. However, we can see that this has become a hot topic in recent years. Take me for instance, our manager, who joined the company a couple months ago, is back from Canada. Also, several of my university classmates are studying abroad in American or Singapore. Besides, the increasing number of migration and education agents also shows how popular studying and working abroad is.<br />
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People go abroad to work or study, they bring their own culture to new places. When they communicate and make friends with local people, the different cultures blend. As in Shanghai, foreigners who work and live here learn to use chopsticks while local people have lunch in Papa John's. As people share their cultures, they will become more and more open-minded and pay more attention to international affairs.<br />
<br />
Besides cultural exchanges, technical exchanges between countries is also very common. Many companies have branches in foreign countries. Lots of people who study overseas choose to work in their home country. These help improve the international technical exchanges. As a result, the latest technology will grow across countries in a short time.<br />
<br />
Further more, developed and developing countries are gathering around to discuss how to overcome global problems, such as climate change, evenvironmental protection etc. As time goes by, there should be more co-operation across countries.<br />
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R08813同学，如果有空的话，可以的话，麻烦帮我rewrite it completely吧！ 我实在很想参考下这样的文章要怎样去立意，而不要这么肤浅拿例子来堆砌充字数。。。。<br />
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多谢R08813]
作者: tpougueyh 时间: 2010-3-30 19:40
我一句一句看哦...在线，嘿嘿，如果改错了别介意啊，大家一起提高
In current days（我上课的老师说这样太常用的词了不适合大作文，口语没有问题）, the number of young people studying and working abroad is greatly increased（为什么用过去分词呀？）, which will undoubtedly bring more interational co-operation.（我改写一下，据说用undoubtedly\must这种过分肯定的词语不好，是不是可以改成which has made the international co-operation more frequently.）
作者: fpech037 时间: 2010-3-31 05:51
俺本身也是作文小白一个，来凑个热闹吧~~就看了第二段，互相学习~~
In about a decade ago(ten years ago), studying and working overseas is seldomly（seldom） discussed in our daily life. However, (during) recent years, (we can see) more and more people are doing it. For me, serval days ago, I heard that one of my classmate in junior middle school migrate(have migrated) to Austrialia with her husband, and serval of my university classmates are (were) studying abroad in American and Singapore. Also, the increasing number of migrate (migration) and education agent (agents)in streets, can show the popularity of studying and working abroad.
有些错别字，长句的结构不是很紧凑，另外听别人说写大作文最好用被动态~~
个人觉得这段的migration的例子和topic联系不是很紧密，不如直接说working~~
个人意见，呵呵
作者: 你看我look你 时间: 2010-3-31 09:10
In about a decade ago, studying and working overseas is （用过去式）seldomly discussed in our daily life. However, during recent years, we can see more and more（这个用烂啦，请改用increasingly或者有更好的词我该写为we can see a vast amount of people leave their motherland to get education or jobs） people are doing it. For me（太简单咧，改成take me for instance）, serval days ago, I heard that one of my classmate in junior middle school（觉得有点怪怪的，是不是可以改成my middle school classmate，好像初中就是middle school，高中是high school，如果不能确定的挑自己肯定的写） migrate（不能用一般时啊） to Austrialia with her husband, and（这个词文章中已经出现好几次了，可以用别的连词，also\while\at the mean time等等替代） serval of my university classmates are studying abroad in American and（不能用and啦，要用or，不能即在美国又在新加坡...这个是中式英语） Singapore. Also, the increasing number of migrate and education agent in streets, can show（不要用can 吧，the increasing number of...shows...就可以了） the popularity of studying and working abroad.
作者: 可好看了就 时间: 2010-3-31 11:24
When people work or study abroad, they bring with（这个用法有点奇怪） them（这个代词指啥呀，前面没有说清楚） the culture of their countries（我改写下they bring their own culture to the new places）. When they communicate and make friends with local people, the different culture exchanges with each other（呃...用exchanges不适当啊，楼主想表达的是交融？用blend好咧）. As in Shanghai, foreigners who work and live here are learning to use chopsticks while local people are having（不能用正在进行啊，这里用一般时就可以了） lunch in Papa John's. As（改改吧，表示因为的词好多啊例如：since） the increasing of exchangesbetween different culture, people all over the world are getting more and more（再次出现，楼主词汇量...多样性不足会得低分的哦） open minded（中间应该有'-'连接）, and having more concern on international events.
作者: zzsth637 时间: 2010-3-31 11:39
Besides the culture exchanges, techniqual（technique） exchanges between countries are very common now. Many companies have branches in foreign countries. And（这里不能用and啦，and是和前面意思并列的，这里明显没有这个关系） many people who study overseas choose to go back to work in their motherland. These help （to）improve the international technique exchanges. The latest technolodgy（么d的） will spread between （between是两者之间...但是spread又有传播的意思，感觉用through更好）countries in a short time.
作者: 感官世界 时间: 2010-3-31 18:32
Further more, advanced countries and developing countries are gathering around（around?together?） to discuss how to overcome golable（global） problems, such as climate, evenvironment protection etc. As time goes on（我只听过一首歌：as time goes by，呵呵）, there must（must 不好，改成should怎么样？） be more co-operation between countries.
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作者: 毗蓝罡风 时间: 2010-3-31 22:10
To make my point...
楼主和我一样习惯了写四六级作文了...但是这样的套路不适合雅思啊...
这篇文章不算典型的雅思作文，应该是report型的，分析原因和现象，但是没有要求解决方案。
感觉楼主写的思维很浅、文字多样性不够，没有错别字的话也是5分到5.5分左右吧...
我不是打击你哦...看在我那么认真改的份上...别pia我...
我自己写得也好不到哪里去...正在努力中
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作者: i8ze2s60 时间: 2010-4-1 03:53
我认真看了你的修改，明显跟我现在不是一个阶级的啊，我还有long way to go。。
我六级已经是5年前考的了，刚开始看《how to prepare for IELTS》发现作文很难看懂题目要求，很怕写了一堆然后完全跑题。。。。顺着想法往下写，没有特意留意多样性，逻辑这些要动脑子的。。。。我晚上好好重改一下。
非常感谢！
作者: i8ze2s60 时间: 2010-4-1 15:34
In current days（我上课的老师说这样太常用的词了不适合大作文，口语没有问题）, the number of young people studying and working abroad is greatly increased（为什么用过去分词呀？）, which will undoubtedly bring more interational co-operation.（我改写一下，据说用undoubtedly\must这种过分肯定的词语不好，是不是可以改成which has made the international co-operation more frequently.）
1,口语化的词不要用在大作文里
2. the number be increased....我怎么能写出这样的句子。。。。。
3.用平和一点的语气写作文。。。
4. 我压根没想到frequently这个词，改的好，用完成时态好。
作者: i8ze2s60 时间: 2010-4-1 21:54
俺本身也是作文小白一个，来凑个热闹吧~~就看了第二段，互相学习
In about a decade ago(ten years ago), studying and working overseas is seldomly（seldom） discussed in our daily life. However, (during) recent years, (we can see) more and more people are doing it. For me, serval days ago, I heard that one of my classmate in junior middle school migrate(have migrated) to Austrialia with her husband, and serval of my university classmates are (were) studying abroad in American and Singapore. Also, the increasing number of migrate (migration) and education agent (agents)in streets, can show the popularity of studying and working abroad
有些错别字，长句的结构不是很紧凑，另外听别人说写大作文最好用被动态~~
个人觉得这段的migration的例子和topic联系不是很紧密，不如直接说working~~个人意见，呵呵
In about a decade ago, studying and working overseas is （用过去式）seldomly discussed in our daily life. However, during recent years, we can see more and more（这个用烂啦，请改用increasingly或者有更好的词我该写为we can see a vast amount of people leave their motherland to get education or jobs） people are doing it. For me（太简单咧，改成take me for instance）, serval days ago, I heard that one of my classmate in junior middle school（觉得有点怪怪的，是不是可以改成my middle school classmate，好像初中就是middle school，高中是high school，如果不能确定的挑自己肯定的写） migrate（不能用一般时啊） to Austrialia with her husband, and（这个词文章中已经出现好几次了，可以用别的连词，also\while\at the mean time等等替代） serval of my university classmates are studying abroad in American and（不能用and啦，要用or，不能即在美国又在新加坡...这个是中式英语） Singapore. Also, the increasing number of migrate and education agent in streets, can show（不要用can 吧，the increasing number of...shows...就可以了） the popularity of studying and working abroad.
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1. vast 只在听力里面听过，没自己用过。。。poor词汇量
2 这个junior Middle school 的说法好像是初中的时候英语老师教的。。。说着有点拗口，其实你说的对，不确定的不如说是小学同学或者就是同学。。。又不会查证。。。
3 需时刻提醒自己： 多样性！
4 can 有点中式英语的意思。。。。摆脱中式英语吧
作者: i8ze2s60 时间: 2010-4-2 17:31
When people work or study abroad, they bring with（这个用法有点奇怪） them（这个代词指啥呀，前面没有说清楚） the culture of their countries（我改写下they bring their own culture to the new places）. When they communicate and make friends with local people, the different culture exchanges with each other（呃...用exchanges不适当啊，楼主想表达的是交融？用blend好咧）. As in Shanghai, foreigners who work and live here are learning to use chopsticks while local people are having（不能用正在进行啊，这里用一般时就可以了） lunch in Papa John's. As（改改吧，表示因为的词好多啊例如：since） the increasing of exchangesbetween different culture, people all over the world are getting more and more（再次出现，楼主词汇量...多样性不足会得低分的哦） open minded（中间应该有'-'连接）, and having more concern on international events
1. they bring with them xxx 就是他们带着xxx的意思啊。。。难道不是这样的？
2. 啊，我不认识blend这个词啊，我是不是该买本词典来背啊
3.我太习惯用 be doing 来表达了。。。。这是为什么
作者: i8ze2s60 时间: 2010-4-2 21:32
Besides the culture exchanges, techniqual（technique） exchanges between countries are very common now. Many companies have branches in foreign countries. And（这里不能用and啦，and是和前面意思并列的，这里明显没有这个关系） many people who study overseas choose to go back to work in their motherland. These help （to）improve the international technique exchanges. The latest technolodgy（么d的） will spread between （between是两者之间...但是spread又有传播的意思，感觉用through更好）countries in a short time.
Further more, advanced countries and developing countries are gathering around（around?together?） to discuss how to overcome golable（global） problems, such as climate, evenvironment protection etc. As time goes on（我只听过一首歌：as time goes by，呵呵）, there must（must 不好，改成should怎么样？） be more co-operation between countries
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1.gather around可以么，我用有道词典查了一下：Gather around： 围着；聚集在...四周。 所以，似乎可以吧？其实写的时候根本没有多想，脑子里蹦出来的是gather around就写gather around了。
2. 其实写下as time goes的时候我脑子空白了，不知道接哪个词，然后胡乱丢了一个觉得还算靠谱的 on 上去。有道词典查了一下，似乎 on 和by 都有，意思也都差不多。
3，should is better！
其实我想在第一段阐述直接观点的，可是我想不到什么好办法好句子能表达同样的意思。。。于是就把题目抄了一遍。。。
恩，第一段后部分改成：which has made the international co-operation，especially in culture and technical fields, more frequently. better?
作者: 大元yuan 时间: 2010-4-3 04:13
I can only help you with your english. If I have to take into account the content, I would have rewritten your essay completely.
_________________________________________
Nowadays, the number of young people studying and working abroad has dramatically increased. This will undoubtedly lead to greater international co-operation. (Personally, I think this is too short to be a paragraph.)
In about a decade ago, studying and working overseas was hardly discussed in our daily life. However, we can see that this has become a hot topic in recent years. For instance, I head that one of my classmates in junior/middle/high school has migrated to Australia with her husband. Also, several of my university classmates are studying in America or Singapore. The increasing number of education agencies and migrants also shows the popularity of studying and working abroad.
When people work or study abroad, they bring in their own culture to the new country. They have the opportunities to meet and make friends with local people. They can share their culture with each other. As in shanghai, foreigners who work and live here learn to use chopsticks while local people have lunch in Papa John’s. (I don’t understand what you mean here.) As people share their culture, they will become more and more open-minded and pay more attention to international events/affairs.
Besides cultural exchange, technical exchange is also very common in many countries. Many companies have their branches in foreign countries. There are lots of people who study overseas and choose to return to their home country and they are able to help with international technical exchange. As a result, the latest technology will grow across countries in a short time.
Furthermore, developing and developed countries are gathering to discuss how to overcome global problems such as climate (change), environmental protection / protection of environment etc. As time goes by, we can expect that there will be greater co-operation across countries.
作者: i8ze2s60 时间: 2010-4-3 06:36
哦，经你改过读起来舒服顺畅多了，However, we can see that this has become a hot topic in recent years，连接的真好啊。。。我说得好生硬
As a result of technology advancement, travelling overseas has become much easier in recent years. This results in an increasing number of young people studying and working overseas. It is believed that this will lead to greater international cooperation in the future. This essay will discuss how the increasing number of people studying and working overseas can lead to greater cooperation.
There are many students who choose to study overseas. Take Australia for example, there are lots of overseas students coming to Australia for study. On the one hand, these students can learn new skills such as better English in Australia. They have the opportunity to live with the locals and learn anything of value from them. On the other hand, these students will be a significant source of income to the Australian economy. In this case, we can see that both sides will benefit from those students who study overseas and hence it leads to greater international cooperation.
The same applies to young people who work overseas. If they choose to work in Australia, they will bring in their multi-cultural skills, such as the ability to speak a foreign language to the Australian work force. For instance, there are certain jobs in Australia require the candidate to be able to speak English as well as a foreign language. Yet the majority of local people in Australia can only speak English. This would be an excellent opportunity for overseas workers to get a job and bring about greater international cooperation between Australia and foreign countries.
To summarise, it is true that the increasing number of young people studying and working overseas will lead to greater international cooperation. Furthermore, people who study or work overseas will also learn new skills and benefit from the new country. Therefore, the government should consider bringing in more foreign students and workers by investing more money and resources.