3月份考得作文题目讨论fashionable clothes的，回家后从新写了一遍， 大家给点意见吧~ <br />
<br />
In the present age, the issue of fashionable wearing is increasingly disturbing. some people assert that fashionable wearing often turn out to be markedly incompatible with out traditional cultures while many others argue that fashionable wearing stands for the passion of our life. To examine this controversial topic effectively, we need to consider the following aspects.<br />
<br />
Convincing arguments can be made that some individuals can benefit from fashionable wearing. To start with, fashionable clothes enable us to obtain more opportunities in certain social events. e.g. Job interview, blind date, etc. It is obvious that the fair appearance partly determine the success of job application. Second, fashionable clothes afford pleasure and enjoyment to people. Young people usually go shopping with their friends and families at weekends; therefore fashionable wearing promotes the communication and interaction between friends and family members. Lastly, it boosts the development of fashion industry and “marketing & sales”. Specifically, some fashion related goods receive the same decent sales result, such as fashion magazines.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, colourable arguments can be made that the fashionable clothes can bring about some negative impacts on the traditional culture while the people tend to be chase up “fashion trends”. The main reason is that the young people tend to totally ignore Chinese traditional wearing style as a result of the current globalised fashion market. In my opinion this is unconvincing as we have seen in recently years an integration and synthesis of new fashion and traditional culture. Most of fashion designers re-define “fashion” as an integration of different elements. The combination of Chinese “Qi Pao” and western material “lace” can be an example of this view.<br />
<br />
Based on the above arguments offered above, I am convinced that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages in this case. Overall, the sense of fashionable wearing should be promoted by public media.
作者: 天涯独醉42 时间: 2010-3-31 22:47
模板的痕迹啊～
作者: 超人小狗 时间: 2010-4-1 00:10
Based on the above arguments offered above
两个above啊...呵呵
有一些语法错误。
结构蛮标准的四段式，看得出用了一些模板...我没有考过雅思，不过我估计6-6.5吧...
请各位大虾给个说法。
作文小白来捧捧场，个人意见，供参考。同时也向高人学习
(In the present age,直接删去更简洁 )the issue of fashionable wearing is increasingly disturbing. some （people删） assert that fashionable wearing often turn(s) out to be markedly incompatible with our traditional cultures while （many删） others argue that it (fashionable wearing用it代替) stands for the passion of our life. To examine this controversial topic effectively, we need to consider the following aspects.
Convincing arguments can be made (that some individuals can benefit from 直接改成for)fashionable wearing. To start with, fashionable clothes enable us to obtain more opportunities in certain social events. e.g. Job interview, blind date, etc. （It is obvious that 删）the fair appearance （obviously）partly determine(s) the success of job application. Second, fashionable clothes afford pleasure and enjoyment to people. Young people usually go shopping with their friends and families at weekends; therefore fashionable wearing promotes the communication and interaction (between friends and family members这段话逻辑有问题，用and就增进的是朋友们和家人们之间的交流，而不是朋友们之间“或”家人们之间的交流，建议改成or；另外，感觉论据不能有利的支持论点). Lastly, it boosts the development of fashion industry and “marketing & sales”（为什么要加引号，看着很别扭，说不出为什么）. Specifically, some fashion related goods receive the same decent sales result, such as fashion magazines.
楼主写的还是很不错的，起码词汇量比较丰富，思路也很清晰，比我强多了，个人觉得，稍加润色，剔除模板痕迹 6.5+