雅思复习贴 与tx们共勉 - new partner and good mood

兔贝

不是的，就是他们批得不认真，基本上没有给我任何的建议，就象征性的打个分。。。

所以我觉得你这个批改的真的还算不错的，至少比环球雅思的好的多了。。。

﹎丟丅、

花了钱只要感觉自己有收获就好了...
每个人学习的方式也不一样吧

lgebixcus4

With the fast development of modern technology, the concerns over thefading-away of the traditional skills and life style have risen. Moreand more people argue that we should try the best to protect and keepthem alive. However leaving the decision to the history may be a betterchoice.

1.一般来讲,第一段是要扣题的,也就是要呼应题目,但不能把题目简单的重复一遍,甚至是抄一遍 (这个在雅思的marking scheme有).最简单的扣题方式就是background然后引入题目.LZ有尝试,但不具体,建议第一句略略地讲一下在科技的高速发展下传统技术面临的挑战等,然后引入题目.

2. LZ于the的用法要注意

3.With the fast development --> With fast developments

4. the concerns 删去the

5.fading-away? 改成 the future of .....

6.其实第一句后半句应做适当的调整,如, the future of traditional skills and life style has raised concerns amongst a lot people.

7. 第二句前加时间,如 These days.

8. the best --> our best

9. keep them alive 的 them指代不清应改为 the traditional skills

10. 第三句应表达你同意/不同意的程度,这也是题目问的.


It’s true that those conventional skills and old life style have beenlasting for centuries. To some extent, they have become part of ourculture and hard to abandon. Some of them, for example travelling byhorse wagon, compared with the modern techniques, such as car, are moreenvironment-friendly. In addition, some of the unique skills, likethose in arts, are not replaceable by machine.

1.由于第一段没有亮出观点,这段一开始就接不上上文了.
2.不要随便用true/false, 语气过于肯定.
3.段落的第一句一般为中心句,然后用后面的句子做support, LZ的开头句观点不强,后面是很难展开的.
4.雅思写作,即使是G类也要求一定的academic English, 不要用过于口语化,语气不明显的词/句, 如to some extent.
5.第三句: 删some of them,直接用, For example 开头. 另外观点有点牵强
6.总体上因观点不清晰,supporting evidence 过于牵强.


Despite of all the mentioned advantages, we cannot deny their negativeeffects. Traditional skills and way of life are usually slow. They’retime consuming and not cost –effective. That’s the key reason why theycannot beat the new technology in the competition. The history tells usthat advanced technology drives away the elementary one is a naturalprocess. Iron tools replaced the stone one; architecture made peoplemove from the cave to house; with paper, we don’t need to write onleaves anymore; telephone facilitate the live talk with a personthousands miles away. The replacement is a fate and not avoidable. Inanother word, this is the civilization where only stronger survives.

1.LZ明显地想用比较的手法来做讨论,但由于第二段没有清晰地指出传统技术的优点,这段开头牵强了.
2.第二句语句有问题,应先讲tranditional skills费时,所以导致传统的生活模式效率不高. 后面就可以就此来谈了.
3.Academic writing 不要随便用缩写, they're --> they are
4.and 后加一个 are
5.第四,五句可以改为: As a result, traditional skills and the corresponding way of life are eliminated through the evolution of the society; while morden technology, which increases the efficiency of living, are favoured.
6.后面的开始乱了.


To conclude the debate, I believe that history will make the rightchoice. Only those that stand the test of time can escape the fate ofdying out.

人家问的是你的观点,但你整天都讲历史会怎样,这不大符合西方人写作逻辑.他们写这种文章比较直接,审批看你这样写会搞不清你想讲什么的.所以,一定要清晰地表明自己的观点,不要迂回.


总结:
LZ观点不清晰以至很多时候写作展不开,supporting evidence过于牵强.文章结构看得出大体, 但段与段之间的连接不明显,往往过于唐突. 语段结构需要下电功夫.句子结构一般,可以适当地适用一些从句,或起转接/连接作用的短语来使句与句之间的语意连贯起来.词语的应用,及一些简单的语法需要提高(上面的修改没有改到这么细.请LZ要自己慢慢斟酌)

泽马浪人

LS的TX辛苦了，看得很细。多谢你的细心指正。

闲话可说

wj22是位好筒子

泽马浪人

老师重改写的，说至少能得7分的。也拿来给TX们分享一下。嘿嘿。

There are concerns that the traditional skills and ways of life will fade away as they are replaced with new technologies. Should we protect the old ways as an important part of our heritage; or is it inevitable that they will die?.

Traditional skills and life styles have lasted for centuries. They have become a part of our cultural heritage that we are reluctant to abandon. Some of the older ways are more environmentally friendly. For example, horse-drawn wagons create less pollution than cars. In addition, some unique skills, like those in the arts, are not replaceable by machines.

Despite the advantages of traditional skills and ways of life ways, they are relatively inefficient, time consuming and not as cost–effective. This is the key reason why they are replaced.

The evolution of technology, new skills and lifestyles is unavoidable and it is a natural process for  the  new to  replace the old. For example, iron tools replaced stone and houses replaced caves. With paper, we don’t need to write on leaves anymore and the telephone facilitates live conversations between people that are thousands miles apart.  

To conclude, I believe that history will show that only those traditions, skills and ways of life that people cherish as part of their heritage will not die out.

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南充2916

咨询一下牛人，我刚刚决定开始拼雅思四个七，之前国外的英语考试都没考过，一直在考ACCA(英国注册会计师）。考过了两门，第三门估计也没有问题，一直工作的环境都是英语环境，不知道有多大的挑战，我现在在北京，考虑报一个班上上，感觉一下，牛人指点一下啦，我有朋友一起想移民的，原来拼托福高分的，一直跟我说雅思没有多难，但是我自己真的没准啦，不知道是报班快一点还是自学，我毅力还可以，能努力保证每天下班后学习一到两个小时

to59ll21

多看看范文吧，范文都好读好懂，观点鲜明，承接紧密，力度饱满。看起来雅思写作不要求啥高科技的创意，只要把这些写出来就行了。
尽量把单词，词组，句子搞简洁。什么时候用什么样的关系副词 代词 连词要拿捏准确。
用四段式处理论点类题目是最爽的

如wj22所说的 上来一定要介绍背景而不是复述题目，第一段结尾要突出你的观点。
这样
第二段-就可以大方方的去做让步。让步类状语要挥洒一下（上来要有个总论点，再写两个分论点，别写太深，毕竟是你不同意的。每个分论点要有两个支持句）

第三段-和第二段差不多也要有个总论点，要由浅入深说三个分论点，   一步， 进一步，更进一步。
一定要用站得住脚的例子，例子是内容，好像做网站，画面再好，没有内容肯定杯具了。（据说如果引用数据可以小小的编一下，考官没空查去）

第四段总的概括2和3段，然后展望一下你的观点并配合一些建议。

看题目我第一反应觉得把话题压在量产和手工上比较好说。在国外高端货都是手工的。。。。 这样就能把两种货背后的两种阶级都调动起来。。。。


没吃过 只看过 表盲从 当参考

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acecethib

这个帖子应该是我的重要学习资料之一，TAOBAO很强大，TITAG很诱惑，不过都没有localau更亲切，每次来都有一种回家的感觉，不要嫌这句话老套，至少我不觉得过时。

u1mhyuuc2d

写得很自然，但是我们的英语不是母语，很多用法需要时间消化，楼主加油！