g类大作文求批

711o4x4m9

准备雅思考试以来第一篇练习，写了好久，感觉乱七八糟，请各位tx点批指正，预先谢谢各位了。

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such area. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?



The past decades have witnessed the improvements of health, education and trade which are essential for the development of the poorer nations. Regarding the economic backgrounds of the richer nations and the related interest between two different nations, I would like to argue that it is the richer nations that should take more responsibilities in such areas for the poorer nations.



Fist of all, generally speaking, every government should hold the majority of responsibilities to improve the health, education and trade of its own,  but it will be less effective or even result in converse consequences if the government has no enough resources and power to control and arrange the improvement in its hands. For example, there are quite possibly diseases, such as cholera and dysentery, after a flood in the poorer nations and the situation will run out of control as the government can not provide enough professional doctors and finance support required. However, with the help of the richer nations that can supply such services, the situation can be  dealt with effectively and quickly. Not only health like that, but also education and trade can be improved significantly under the help from the richer nations with sufficient finance and technologies support.



Secondly but more importantly, with the rapid progress of economics and technologies, the world has developed into a united one including  all the countries, no matter how rich the nation is or how poor it is. The failure of any nations' development will eventually impose a harmful impact on other nations. For instance, if some poorer nation fails to improve its trade skills and infrastructures because of its insufficient experience or something like that, and can not offer raw materials any more that are essential for the high technologies in richer nations, these richer nations would fail to continue their developments and become a victim consequently. The situation will be exactly another one if the richer nations take the responsibility to train the workers and help build the infrastructures for the poorer nations.



By way of conclusion, I once again restate my position that the richer nations should take more responsibilities to help the poorer nations improve health, education and trade.

jjsdr9672m

模板重不是问题，关键看你是要6分还是7分。要6分就去套模板吧。

幻化影象

  
这个故事我也记得的，不过我记不得是初中还是高中了。

711o4x4m9

多谢DANTE同学，whether or not的用法我搞错了，我原意是想用于引导名词性从句的，但没名词，应该在前面加个The question of 等之类名词，谢谢您指出了错误；另外您说的好像也是另一种用法，但现在我还搞不明白。
第二的how to 我个人感觉不到很中化啊，估计是我的英语一向中化的原因，嘿嘿
第三当second 和third等啥词不是表示第几而是再一次的时候，是用a不是用the的，这点我应该记得，我当年的高中英语书（估计跟各位的不一样）有个渔夫撒网捞到一个瓶子里面有妖怪的文章，说再撒一次网时，就说cast xxx a second time。thought是可数的，您说的没错，就是三思的意思。

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ndkiu

你所说的a second thought 是不是可以理解为中文里的三思？？

cqrki220189

Whether or not children should be disciplined in their early age and punishment should be used is a contentious topic in many societies and maybe has been existing from the beginning of civilization. 这句话的主语是不是有两个？？有两个的话是不是应该写为 are contentious topics in many societies......
they even do not know how to distinguish wrong from right这句话好像有点中式化了。。。。
a second thought should be taken with caution before punishing as any punishments  would probably be problematic in themselves more or less这句话中的a second thought 是什么意思？？按语法大概应写成the second thought吧？？首先thought不可数，其次second之前应加the吧。
我自己的水平也很差，如果说的不对请各位指出~~嘿嘿~

711o4x4m9

多谢DANTE TX的指导，俺又来骚扰各位了 。我猜考场情况下，我估计只能得5分，不过还是希望不是如此，上帝保佑。
这文章太多"xxx be"结构了，有什么别的好办法呢？
Some people say that children should be disciplined in their early age, and punishment should be used. To some extent do you agree? What kind of punishment can be used by teachers and parents?
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Whether or not children should be disciplined in their early age and punishment should be used is a contentious topic in many societies and maybe has been existing from the beginning of civilization. In  my opinion, any  corporal punishments ought not to be used at any time, but other punishments can be taken under some circumstances.

No matter when and what the societies are, there are always something that can allure children to deviate from what their parents want. In order to correct such misbehaviors and discipline children, many ways of penalties have been used, such as corporal punishments and non-corporal punishments. In many remote regions, corporal punishments, like beating, slapping and spanking, were considered the best way to discipline children. In fact, corporal punishments will not only hurt children’s physical body, but they will also leave a psychological shadow in children’s heart for ever.

However, some non-corporal punishments can be taken into account when punishments have to be used. Writing lines, perhaps which is the most effective way of punishment, can be used on children in school as it has not any serious consequences except taking children some time to do that. Other non-corporal punishment-on report, suspension, detention and verbal warning-also can be made as penalties on children. Nevertheless, all types of punishments are not supposed to be used on young children, say who are less than 6 years old, because they even do not know how to distinguish wrong from right.

In reality, of course, a second thought should be taken with caution before punishing as any punishments  would probably be problematic in themselves more or less.

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侦探片

其实到底可不可再生对于雅思作文来说根本无所谓，因为都是合理的，只要你能给出证明，其实说不可再生更容易写，也可以算成是一个短缺的理由，考官是不会纠结这个是否可再生的问题的~~嘿嘿~~

711o4x4m9

我特地baidu和google了下，http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_water_a_non-renewable_resource
http://www.ehow.com/about_5251373_water-renewable-resource_.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renewable_resource#Water
可以说可再生，也可以说不可再生，看来我认识有限，谢谢指导，呵呵

rrqk9295

哇，原来水是可再生资源？？？