每日一篇writing，求批改

王者归来后

题目是自己找的，先找了容易写的上手。



题目--是否应该学习英语



To learn or not to learn a foreign language is not a question because the answer of course is “yes”

Everybody lives on the world could have already felt that the world now is becoming smaller than before.  A lot of western companies have already opened the plants and offices in China while the world economic globalization.  

The majority of these companies’ management is at least good at English and the software or mail systems are in English version.  As one employee in such a company, you have to master English well.  Otherwise, how could you take over the technical issue, how could you reply to your manager or how could you express your personal opinion?

Language is one communication tools in this situation. It is definitely have to be learn, the only question is how well that you could use it. On another side, to learn one language is also one method to learn or observe the outside world.  You could be familiar with the living and habit of the country that use the language you are learning.  And it would be helpful for you when you contact with your foreign colleague or manager.

No matter what, the foreign is at least one skill for you. The more you learn, the better for yourself.

王者归来后

Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are 2 ways to contribute to the society, paying taxes or taking more responsibilities. Both of these 2 ways are supported by the different groups.

In my opinion, paying taxes is more convenient to the individuals who are employed because the incomings are decreased the taxes by the company. The relative bureau would take over all the taxes, which would be distributed and utilized to area which need invest and improvement. The education, health, public traffic, etc would be developed and updated in future. These cases are so huge that it shall be arranged by some specialists to make a comprehensive plan and regulation.  Finally, it would be shared by the people who give the contribution.

On the other hand, some people insist that it is not enough for the individual to pay taxes. It is better to take more responses as the social member. For example, blood domination, taking care the orphan, volunteer in some events, etc. These activities impact the society more efficiently and directly. At the same time, the participants could enjoy the immediate feedback of devoting pleasure, which is impossible of the employee only give the money. This method could be controlled more flexible to the individuals.

Nevertheless, the most important is the result of contribution, not the contribute process. I would prefer to spend the time to devote into the society rather than argue which is more important. All the contributions to the society are welcomed and appreciated by the public. Whatever the contribution is direct or undirectly, huge or trifle, it is the domination to the society and finally return to the citizens themselves.

许仙与白素贞

楼住
适当的扩大知识面
对于任何考试都是有帮助的

但是雅思作文不是主要考谁知道的多
那如果考个互联网相关的
文科学生就一定比理科学生写的差么

作文的最主要目的
字字句句都是告诉改卷的人
我会英语 我会用英语 我会用英语写出能让人看懂的东西

所以百度每一个话题 来找思路
这么做很对
但是不完善

如果你完全没有头绪
那我只能给Pat做广告了
去买本十天作文
里面有一些想思路的捷径

虽然我觉得这个治标不治本
但是对于短期应付考试
还是很有帮助的

王者归来后

help

前面看到一个题目
Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? How to improve it?

我一看吓一跳 anti-social behaviour  ，这个算是啥行为啊，写过的同学给点提示啊，该怎么写啊。

我上百度搜了一下个anti-social behaviour 。
反社会行为（ASBO）反社会行为的定义非常广泛,在英国法律上来说任何活动造成或可能对别人或者别人的家庭造成骚扰或惊恐或困扰的行为都叫做反社会行为。

希望自己考试的时候不要碰上这么变态的题目。阿门！！

王者归来后

10.02.06
Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is one opinion that the air travel is only the method that the richest people can benefit and the ordinary can not get any advantage with the development of air travel. This point could not reflect the truth of the reality from my view.

Frankly, the air travel was only enjoyed by the richest people when the early period of the development.  Shipping and railway were more welcomed by the ordinary even it took more time on the way because the cost was unexpensive and not too much person al limitation.  It was true in China in 1970th that to buy an air ticket with a reference letter form company or police office.  Even though, the price was still exceed the ordinary people could sustain because it would take one person several month salaried.  

However, the phenomenon was changed while the development of technology and society. The ticket cost now only takes small proportion to the personal incoming when the ordinary people earning updated. The airline company also often applies lots of promotions to abstract more customers because of the competition. At the same time, people are much busier than before, so that they have to fully utilize their time. Therefore, the ordinary people now are more willing to choose the air if taking a long journey because the more time could be enjoyed on the destination.  

It is true that the air travel advantage now is more widely taken by people, whatever he is richest or ordinary.  Everybody can enjoy the convenience of air travel in equal now. Therefore, I will make a conclusion that it is out of time that only the richest can enjoy the air travel.

王者归来后

有人说应该在学校里给年轻人设置如何做好家长的课程，发表意见
Some people think the lesson shall be set up in the school, which shall teach the young people how to be good parents. I am not sure that the young people are already old enough to acquire the meaning of parent.

While the society developing, more and more children are the only child in the family, who abstracts the most attention by his elders.  The parents are like to give the better education opportunity to them. It shall spend more time for the young people to learn the skills, technology, and knowledge in the school. Therefore, they would go to work later than before. And then, after several years working, it would be the time to marry and have a child.  This phenomenon is quite generally.

According to above reason, the lesson of how to be good parents may be not instructive in the school, because the teenage is still too early to learn the lesson. Everything would be forgot when the youth grow up even if the lesson were given to the youth. It is much better to give the lesson to the young couple who prepare to have a baby. At that time, the lesson would be more useful and helpful .

To my opinion, the best lesson could be learn is not in the school, but it is from their own parents, who impact the whole personality and characteristic of young people. The success and failure of to be parents are obviously found. The advantage of parents shall be followed by the young and the faults shall be improved.  It is the best sample of how to be good parents.

In conclusion, I prefer to give the time to the other lessons rather than the lesson of how to be good parents. It is would be better for them to take such a lesson when the young people grow up and stand by.  In the meanwhile, their own parents are the best teacher who would be learn from in all life.

[]

王者归来后

Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Somebody think the all the person should stay in school until 18 years old. It is really a good suggestion to help the education. The age before 18 is the best period in everyone’s life, young, vigorous and fast learning, even if there are some complaints for heavy homework during learning.

The young students could acquire sufficient knowledge in the school which would be used in the future work and life.  The primary knowledge is the cornerstone of everything, and it decides the average education level of the whole society which would lead to the science and technology development.

In the past, a lot of students were so poor that could not continue their leaning that go to work when teenage. At that time, the work offered did not have too much high requirement, just basic mathematics and reading.  But now, the rapid development of science and technology, it is general for an operator knew a lot of major knowledge.  The young winder in my owner company, are the student who know reading drawing, the theory of the machine running process and the production quality requirement， Otherwise，the worker could not get the job.

And then，the education is more emphasized, therefore, it is looked as one criterion that the student is more smart and excellent if he takes more education. The students are considered to be lack of wisdom while they try to find a job. It is not fully right but it is already a social phenomenon which could not be revised in short time. So it should be better for the students take 18years.

In conclusion, the education pay the key role on one person life, the more he learn from school, the better he job and life he could gain.

Nawncreesse

本来想帮LZ改的，但是发现LZ还没有意识到怎么写好大作文。。。

如果是中文会怎么写呢？

开头第一段： 把题目换个方式表达一遍。注意一定要换方式，不能照抄原文。

第二第三段：题目问你是捐钱给最需要的人好，还是捐给自己国家的人好。LZ基本上属于完全跑题的。。。就算你要说we should donate to China, 也要首先阐明China确实是最需要的国家。

建议：第二段先表观点，From my own point of view, the donation should go to those who need it most. 然后一层两层三层堆例子和进一步观点

第三段就可以承接下来，说When mentioning the poorest country in the world, most of the times we think of countries in Africa. I admit that their living standards are low on average. But talking about the people who suffer the most, there is no doubt that those people are in China.
这样一来就可以比较自然的讲LZ顺手的China了。然后就可以进一步讲大家应该donate到中国。

第四段结尾就可以简洁明了了： In summary, I personally am for the opinion that charity donations need to go to the needy, wherever they reside. A heart filled with love and willing to assist should never be restrained by the country border. Furthermore, as I have depicted the current situation in China above, we should add China to the most-needy list, and call for help around the world.

随便涂了几笔，希望对LZ有帮助。最后提醒，雅思要多举例子使行文充实，编出来的例子也可以，多多益善。

i8ze2s60

哇！！7分的作文成绩耶，LS的真是高手~~:  

一生爱宠物001

该说的问题楼上都说了，不切题（漏了一半），中式思维，逻辑不清，用词错误等等。
不过拿China做例子是没有问题的，我考试的时候就说了一堆China...
LZ的问题是这个China跳出来太突兀，本来是个没有地方色彩的话题好像默认就是在谈中国一样，前面来一句For example in my country China,... 都会好很多
换句话说就是，第一段和第二段之间没有明确的连接词，又没有自然的逻辑过度，这种在连贯性上会丢很多分
至于思路的问题，我觉得很多时候作文写不好，不是因为英语不好，就是用母语思考这个话题，也未必真的考虑清楚了。