看了yrqin 的帖子，我也求批作文

冰鬼鬼丫头

Some people suggest that high school graduate students should go to universities to have higher education, but others encourage students to find jobs to meet the needs of the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.





Currently, some press coverage that it is quite difficult for college students to have a decent job. A debate arises, then. High school students should go to universities to have higher education or find job after graduation.



Some people take Bill Gates as an example to illustrate that one person could achieve success without university diploma. They reckon that work experience is more important than educational background. Bill took the computers to every family and computer changed the world. No one could doubt his achievement. Besides, students could contact various persons. College atmosphere is comparatively easy and comfortable, yet. The former is more beneficial for students.



In contrast, other people hold opposite opinions. College experience is a crucial part of one’s life. Not only did students obtain friendship and love, but also they establish life belief and value recognition in the university. Despite the fact that not all the students could attain their ideal jobs, most of them take the college life as a precious memory.



It is not easy to judge which choice is better. Different students have their own opinion in terms of their financial status, exam records, interests etc. Furthermore, due to the large amount of population, students are persuaded to take different method to reach their goals. Educational background and wealthy level are not key factors to judge a person’s success.



In summary, both statements are reasonable. High school students should be encouraged to make their own decisions. Comprehensive factors should be considered and a great number of elements affect the final results.

多多指点！

crxp2278

小胖又开始自言自语了，看不懂。。。不知道谁是target audience

我心伤痛

憋了一天，上来给你们讲个笑话。
今天早晨一爬起来——周末的早晨再勤快也不能比太阳起的早——就看到沪江有个四六级模考比赛，还有几分钟就开始了。比赛的小奖是学币，大奖有学币还有沪元，我肯定是更想要沪元，可以看听写原文。感觉奖品设置有点2，这次的学币出奇的好拿。冲着奖品丰厚诱人就厚着脸皮参加了。准中年妇女去做四级模拟，脸皮够厚吧。这还没完，后来我家那位学车回来，我妈喊屋子都成猪窝了也不收拾，我就一边做题一边使唤他去叠被。结果还失败了，在报分帖里排了排名次，要前面十几位童鞋都放弃，我才能得大奖，感觉很对不住老公。。。

东北人确实给我心里留下很多的阴影。虽然有些事自己很努力不去回想，但现实是无情的。我的男人么，除了干家务陪我做题学英语，其他时候也很让我觉得异常幸福和自由。花钱在电影院看鸿门宴，我把大衣帽子一盖，腿也搭在他身上开始打盹。他凑近看看睡着了没有，也不烦我。今天上午做题，中午去新房看装修，下午看电影，到那就撑不住了。但是不是每个男人都能如此宽容。反正我很诚恳的说，做跟文字有关的事，比如猜别人的心思，看一部不咋地的电影还要总结，都是很累的。生活里的小胖追求轻松，不修边幅不讲文明，不用分析一个字一个字背后的含义和感情。我这么说，是因为六年里的时时刻刻都在提醒自己，还要为当初的心愿努力活下去，活下去，跟心愿相比，移民不移民并不是最重要的。
最近在游戏论坛里看到关于星巴克的帖子，大家讨论装逼，把本来普通的生活硬是高高的挂起来，我一直是反感的，或许东北人觉得这是一个人上进的表现。没法说服别人，倒是有感慨，终于有机会过自己想过的日子了，就算被某些人轻视或者笑话不上进，那也于我无关，于我那被洗脑被控制的老公无关。小胖这颗心也是人心，有软得不行的部分，也有硬得自己都不能接受的地方。
真心来说，当年王大夫选择在足迹那么大的论坛公开侮辱我，如果最后要换我一个心软一个了结，就请回到足迹去结束。玩不起就跑是小胖在东北四年对东北人最深的印象，他的消失不让我意外，却也很失望。
我失望了六年，从没观众到上千观众，从上千观众再到没观众，一个男人这样真是让人瞧不起。

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聪颖小葛

找到感觉了就好

1994950gca

感觉最近作文有所长进，
第一：听了你的劝告下决心重新学了一遍语法，语法错误大为减少，遣词造句能力有所提高
第二：看了你的step by step，对整个文章结构及句子的内容和作用有了更深的认识
感激之情无以言表~祝一切顺利

95后小花花

Some people take Bill Gates as an example to illustrate...
感觉这个不地道吧，illustrate一般形容用图表来描述，这里用argue或简单的用show会不会更好呢？

hhfylwogsw

不日结婚——具体日期不便透露，谢谢朋友们祝福，先请假了，回来再聊吧。

fivxdirk

Health, like [other elements such as,delete] education and freedom, is essential to people’s wellbeing.加上一句过渡：Generally, health care can be provided either by the government or by private companies. However,突兀了，没有做好准备就跳过来；加上前面红色那句就顺畅多了。, many private medical services are so expensive to afford by the poor people that some people argue that government should run the medical service in order to ensure that all people can access to it. This essay will analyse the advantages and disadvantages of private health service. 有点淡而无味了。这里该开门见山提出观点：This essay will argue that there are more advantages of private health services than disadvantages.

[缺主题句：On the one hand, there are some weaknesses of private medical services.] Obviously->Specifically,, the main weakness of private medical service is that it cannot cover the majority of people, especially the needy. As a basic right of human being, healthy->healthcare should [be] available for->to更好？ all citizens equally. Most of private medical centers, however, are giving->give priority to profits rather than fulfilling the obligation of making [people needing the medical care can access to them,这句话值得斟酌，改起来比较费事]. In other words->As a result更贴切, people getting->suffering from serious diseases would not cured->be able to receive proper treatment in time if they cannot afford the costs->cost of private health services. That is why->Therefore, many->some people insist that government should take the responsibility to ensure all the citizens, no matter rich or poor, can receive treatment if they have got->get ills->ill.

On the other hand, private health care is also beneficial to the society. For one thing, it can reduce the financial burden of the government. Admittedly, establishing a mature medical system for all people is a tough task for many governments owing to the limitation of budget. But private medical centers can fill this blank. For another thing, private medical service gives those people who are able to afford the addition costs an option besides the public medical center. Because most wealth people are tend to enjoy better service like private doctor or no-waiting hospital beds. All these services are only available by the private health center.

To sum up, although private medical service has its weakness, it still useful due to its special functions.

没时间了。。。。只改这么多吧。基本功还是不错的，努力改进改进，6.5和7以上应该没问题。

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jiyxyzgnqw

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14346040

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14416799

推荐以上两篇文章，学到一成半成就足够了。

莼鲈思

还是yrqin给力
能帮忙点评一下我那篇拙作么