|
|
16#
楼主 |
发表于 2012-9-1 14:35:47
|
只看该作者
来自： INNA
上班第一件事就是赶快来看下回复：）
真的很谢谢各位指导（特别感谢alpinistzheng耐心检查），我自己也觉得问题很多，就是感觉无从下手。其实俺去年年初考过2次作文每次都只有6分，因为某些原因，最近才重新开始，在看了很多人的介绍后，这次打算好好学习范文，去年备考时，说实话，我不看考官范文的（因为范文没人分析），那时感觉剑桥系列就是听力和阅读（G类）有用。
这几篇都是上班时躲着别人闷头写，所以的确是问题多多，等过了91，打算改用笔来练习，，，
1：alpinistzheng说的“Being limited time and energy 用法错误”，改成Being time and energy limited怎么样？
2：跑题最可怕了，这个估计是思维习惯问题，还真没头绪，惨，，，，，，
3：prefer their children to be boarding to being stay with them 是prefer 。。。to结构，自己感觉也有问题，如何改好呢？
4：the same age and background省略过头，这个您是说只说年龄和背景太简单，还是说背景需要交代清楚点呢？
5：朗文查了下，电子版，一个3.8g，一个1.7g，看了电驴的界面，看来得搞个，，，，，
6：把原因和positive分开估计要动大手术了，找个时间分开再写一次，，，
再次感谢各位，有问题各位尽请说，本来就是来让人找茬的：）
刚刚又发现了几个问题，乱七八糟的，看不下去了：
Being time and energy limited （移到后面）, many parents send their children to schools which offer accommodation services(用复数) , with the intention to reduce their pressure coming from caring and encourage them to live more independently. Before evaluating the trend, I intend to discuss the causes for that. (47)
In current society(应该是societies), with two（是不是用double好点？） working parents, many family(应该是families) have no enough spare time and energy left to be with their（？） sons and daughters. For many workers, they have to work from the morning to the evening to support the family（是不是应该用their families？）. When they come home from offices, they have（是不是用it is好点？） no more than four hours which can be spent before saving enough energy for tomorrow. If they have to take care their children, such as cooking and checking houseworks for them, then（那就删掉） they probably have to arrange time effectively, which is a challenge for the tired parents and impose a continual pressure on them, after getting rid of the intense office work. (110)
Another reason, which is possibly most important, why the father and the 加个the mother prefer their children to be boarding to being stay with them, is that they appreciate the living lives in schools with children's （换一个）peers. If boys or girls take a boarding life, then（删掉） they have to and are able to spend more time enjoying(把“, and may be” 换成enjoying) themselves with their classmates. Living with the same age and background, the children can develop a more independent and social character, which cannot be achieved when living with their parents(移到后面，用来修饰charater) . (88)
In conclusion, I believe that taking a boarding life would not only benefit the parents as it lessens the burden for parents, but also the children with such life（改成lives） playing a positive role in developing their characters.
[]
|
|
发表于 2012-8-29 01:30:35
支持
反对
