求作文批改和估分，能到6分吗

无聊不

马上要一雅，大家帮看看这篇能打多少分，欢迎批评指正



题目：Some findings have revealed that cities around the world are growing large. Could you outline the possible causes and predict consequences?



It seems to be an increasingly widespread concern that cities' size is getting larger and larger around the world, and I think that economy development and population increasing are definitely responsible for this.



In the past, there are not many industries or companies in the city. This is no longer the case. Due to developing modern economy cities are filled with job opportunities, more and more people leave their rural hometown to find a job, raising their family or achieving their life value. So industrialization is the root cause of this phenomenon.



Another important factor contributing to this phenomenon is that there are much more citizens born in every year and all of them seek a higher living standard. Because, in the countryside, they cannot find enough entertaining place, modern facilities and good medical services, going to urban area is an inevitable choice. Besides, to purchase well education is another reason resulting to this.



The positive consequences of larger town include gathering talents from domestic and overseas, pooling all resources to stimulate economy sustainable developing, and benefit the public. Of course, there are lots of disadvantages caused by big city. Firstly, housing price is a concern. The more people want to dwell in city, the more possibility house price would increase. Secondly, environmental protection is another critical problem. Unless every citizen raise the green awareness to consume less and recycle more, ecosystem of city would get worse and worse. Last but not least, public transportation is also a dilemma which local authorities must cope with in order to avoid traffic jams on rush hours every-day.



In sum, there are several different factors leading to big city size. We should accept it and find various feasible measurements to overcome the cons it brings, because the negative impacts of this trend are too serious to be neglected.

无聊不

我一鸭的作文得分是5.5，要走路还很长啊

趋势密码

写得比我考试好。。。所以应该有6分吧
复杂句种类够4种以上
复杂句总数8句以上
有加分句，如倒装句
uncommon的单词，能看到2，3个
至于逻辑和语法，请参照上面的高手，再磨练下，我觉得6分没问题

泊小数点和

到6.5有什么用 都不是7.。

无聊不

师从刘洪波也是受你的影响

无聊不

非常感谢如此详细的点评，对我帮助很大

信关胡马冲

这个很详细啊。

同性之间

目测5.5-6

真情娟子

It seems to be an increasingly widespread concern that cities' size is(sizes are) getting(growing, get太口语化,但不要紧) larger and larger around the world, and I think that economy（economic，有形容词用adj，没有的用noun修饰noun） development and population increasing（growth of polulation. increase是增加，不是增长） are definitely responsible for this.

In the past, there are(were) not many industries or companies in the city. This is no longer the case. Due to developing modern economy cities（修饰混乱） are filled with (be filled with有被动并带点消极的意思) job opportunities（Because + clause, 或者 Due to cities' job opportuniites）, more and more people leave their rural hometown to find a job (find jobs. 前面主语是people), raising(raise，排比句的verb要对称) their family（families，前文所提的people不可能都是一家人，应该是多个家庭） or achieving（achieve，排比句的verb要对称） their life（lives） value （achieve their life value? 没这种说法, 可以说 make their lives colorful）. So industrialization is the root cause of this phenomenon（phenomenon是“奇景”，不是中文的“现象”。如果用在这里就有讽刺和调侃的意思。"this problem", "this trend", or just "this"）.

Another important factor contributing to this phenomenon is that there are much more citizens born in(no "in") every year and all of them seek a higher living standard（逻辑错误，them指代的是citizen born in every year，是新生儿。新生儿不可能追求高生活标准）. Because, in the countryside, they（还是指代新生儿） cannot find enough entertaining place（places）, modern facilities and good medical services, going to urban area is an inevitable choice. Besides, to purchase well education is another reason resulting to this.

The positive consequences of larger town include gathering talents from domestic（作noun是“佣人”，做adj才是国内） and overseas, pooling all resources to stimulate economy sustainable developing, and benefit the public. Of course, there are lots of disadvantages caused by big city. Firstly, housing price(house price) is a concern. The more people want to dwell in city, the more possibility house price would increase. Secondly, environmental protection is another critical problem. Unless every citizen raise(raises) the green awareness to consume less and recycle more, ecosystem of city would get worse and worse. Last but not least, public transportation is also a dilemma("两难"，必须有两个选择，很难抉择选A还是选B的时候用) which local authorities must cope with in order to avoid traffic jams on rush hours every-day.

In sum, there are several different factors leading to big city size. We should accept it（them, 指代的是factors） and find various feasible measurements to overcome the cons it brings(they bring/incur), because the negative impacts of this trend are too serious to be neglected(are too serious to neglect).

98后杀大狗

楼主是刘洪波的门生，结构自然没问题，主要问题是基础不扎实，词汇和语法错误太多。