[雅思写作] 回忆10.12号写作taskii 求评分

u7lhyuul7t · 发表于 2013-10-30 10:03:46

我现在就是想不通怎么就跑题了?

The theme of this essay is to discuss WHICH is the better way to acquire knowledge, reading or non-reading?
My answer in short is: Reading is good because it's effective and we are used to it;
Reading is good way doesn't mean it's the best way. It require lots of time which most ppl can't afford. For those, TV/Radio/Travelling is better

怎么推敲也没跑题啊...

u7lhyuul7t · 发表于 2013-10-30 15:36:10

今天看了一篇范文,讲小孩入学早的好处(我是裸考写作的.此前没准备过)
Firstly, a child who has school experience at a young age will learn to interact with many different people and some children learn to communicate very early because of this. They are generally more confident and independent than children who stay hat home with their parents and who are not used to strangers or new situations. Such children find their first day at school at the age of 6 frightening and this may have a negative effect on how they learn.

Another advantage of going to school at an early age is that children develop faster socially. They make friends and learn how to get on with other children of a similar age. This is often not possible at home because they are the only children, or because their brothers or sisters are older or younger.

这个是Cambridge的范文.老实说我真的写不出.. 因为我不知道这两个Point的本质区别是什么.我觉得这是逻辑上的重复
Point 1: children go to school at earlier age can learn communication earlier hence they can benefit from it compared with other children;
Point 2: children go to school at earlier age can be more social. They can better get along with children at their own age

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'COMMUNICATION' AND 'SOCIAL'?
you become social if you can easily do communication with others . to me, they are the same, and I can't understand why they can make 2 points of it;

我感觉自己雅思写作还是没有入门,有没有此中高手给讲解一下?

hbow0479 · 发表于 2013-10-30 20:43:44

这篇文章应该是5-5.5，我也在准备写作，几点小建议。
1，三大从句至少要用2个；it is 这种句型至少用2个地方。状语提前至少用一次。句式要多，不要都是subject+verb+object(adj)。
2，不要和题目有重复的句子，是指结构相同，关键词一样，这种句子是会被划掉。比如，第一段 the best way for adults to acquire new knowledge after graduation from school。当然也包括后面的句子不要和前面已有的句子重复。比如，太多的watching tv,可以before screens， in front of tv.太多就显得你的词汇太少了。
3，固定搭配要熟悉。比如 debate about ，controversy over ,hold views, Both of these views(both 只能修饰2种，上下文看应该是其它多种方法），but to myself(比如 in my point of view,in my opinion, from my perspective),I am inclined (I am convinced that), take side to the latter one (没有这种说法的,可以support ......）,太多了，所以读起来就非常拗口
4，用词准确方面差的很远，多读一些网上的文章，评论性和介绍未来科技之类的比如bbc future。比如would suggest reading is unquestionably the best approach 既然是would意思就是可能性较弱，后面为什么又是unquestionably ，可以用some people believe that； the most economic and effective way，如果不是很确定，少用most这种绝对修饰，至少用one of the most ....ways，既然都是最有效的，从某种程度就是the best approach ;spend a wealth of time , 一般都是considerable；还有很多如most of us这种口语化的句子和单词，太多了。
5，观点说服力太弱了。我觉得你自己都说服不了自己。仅仅因为没有时间，就决定是不是the best approach，太牵强了。另外Discuss both views and give your own opinion，这种题目都是5段论，突出你已经discuss both views，和你的观点。不然很容易判定为 not fully cover the task。

总的来说，观点没有说服力，句式太简单，用词很差，语法广度和准确度也不好。