写了篇文章 求大神指点

98gyhuvzg9

The impact of internet on interpersonal communication

   There is an obvious tendency that people nowadays use internet as their medium of interpersonal communication, which lead to a variety of problems.

   Focusing too much on internet communication instead of real one will inevitably cause indifference and coldness interpersonally.  It is a common phenomenon that people ignore the existence of friends and families around them, rather, they put more emphasis on virtual friends who are nowhere to be seen in real world. Consequently, there is no more topics when friends gathering together. It is ironic that people share much on the internet but turn out to be speechless when face-to-face.

   Another impact that must to be mentioned is that too much internet communication makes people isolated from outside world. They are satisfied with their way of communication and keep themselves in the virtual friend circle. Study shows that people immersed in internet and other kind of virtual communication are more likely to be autistic and isolated.

However, it is no deniable that internet do bring us with faster communication and new ways of making friends. It totally changed our traditional way of sharing things. It has dramatic appeal to people, especially youngsters who have no resistance to fancy things.

  In conclusion, from a long term point of view ,the demerits of internet communication outweigh its merits. People should pay more attention to their real-world life and friends around them to create a better interpersonal relationship.

孜然牛肉

头两句的动词首先就可以看出lz对动词单复数形式很不重视～第三句, rather, 不是连词不能连接两个句子，第四句when 从句没有动词～～然后就没有必要看下去了～

完全没有看扁lz的意思，术业有专攻嘛，即使是最牛的英文老师历史上的某个阶段英语还不如lz呢～但lz如果 不认认真真专研语法的话，想拿6分很难很难。。。这篇我就看了四句，但是我觉得5分不能再多～

98gyhuvzg9

恩，应该用leads  .rather 的确不对.不过when引导doing作时间状语应该貌似是可行的。
谢谢大神，我会努力的。

agja4096

我要是没记错的话，但那是在和主句和从句的主语一样的情况下用的～～I call my friends when going back home. 只是提个醒，我不记得when可以n＋doing sth，如果lz 百分百确定对就用好了～

真正糊涂

你这作文的题目是什么？？？雅思写作要扣题，没有题目，如何判断你的作文多少分啊。