作文累积贴，求批
Shopping is becoming a way of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?<br />
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It is believed that people is willing to buy things they like as they can afford. Hence, some of customers are shopping just for entertaining. The discussion of whether it is a positive development is of great concern for many people. From my point of view, it is always good if people have extra money for shopping which can brings them happiness instead of saving it in the bank.<br />
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Although many people subscribe to the belief that buys a host of things just for entertaining, is a big waste. This is in fact a common misconception that we need to clear up. Firstly, I would like to stress the definition of “waste”. It is undeniable that even we own many things but they are both valuable and useful, is not a kind of waste. It would be if we own them instead of never use. Secondly, we cannot judge how owner deal with the stuff they brought. It maybe donated to charity or something else. Therefore, we cannot say that buy a bunch of things back would be a waste.<br />
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Let me just give you a different perspective. It is universally acknowledged that the productivity would be increased by consuming behavior. It is act like a cycle – people buy things they need and more products would be produced. It would be horrible if just a few customers come to consume, obviously, this situation would lead to low productivity and some people would be unemployed. According to recent studies, high consumption rate can improve economics of the nation. For example, reported by BBC, the consumer index had increased 30 per cent in China last year and the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) also went up to 13% which amongst the world 's highest .<br />
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Given the above argument, it is reasonable to conclude that we do not have any evidence to certify shopping overweighed is a negative development. But in fact, it has many advantages. As a result, I am convinced that shopping becoming a way of entertainment is a positive development.<br />
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重写。。。。立志6分。。。。<br />
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Recent year, people spend increasingly money on shopping. Some expenses are used to buy necessities, while in others are just for entertaining. Thus there is a question concerned by individuals, which is whether whole society can be benefited from over-consumption? From my point of view, the answer is yes – that is to say, it is a positive development.<br />
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First of all, over-consumption waste money is the most important aspect that a host of consumers are believed. But in fact, this conception is not totally correct. Firstly, it is not wasting that consumers buy something valuable and useful, even though they buy a vast number of commodities back and never use. For instance, purchase antiques. Secondly, we cannot arbitrarily conclude as there are various ways that individuals taking care of their personal goods wisely. Donation is a case in point. Therefore, over-consumption is nothing directly related to wasting.<br />
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In addition, it is universally acknowledged that the productivity will have increased by consuming behavior. Obviously, factories would produce more commodities in order to satisfy people’s needs if they had sold out. Meanwhile, mass consumption would encourage economic development as well. On the other hand, workers would lose their jobs as nothing needs produce. It is worth mentioning that the consumer index increased 30 per cent in China last year and she maintained a very high growth rate in terms of GDP, which reported by British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) two months ago.<br />
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To sum up, shopping for entertainment makes great contribute to society, such as, stimulate economic development, although it might be true that it would cause wasting. Therefore, I am strongly believed that increasingly entertaining consumption is a positive development.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
Recent year, people spend increasingly money on shopping. Some expenses are used to buy necessities, while in others are just for entertaining. Thus there is a question concerned by individuals, which is whether whole society can be benefited from extra consumption. From my point of view, the answer is yes – that is to say, it is a positive development.<br />
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First of all, a host of consumers are believed that extra consumption waste money, and we should also notice that this issue is one of the most important aspects amongst all drawbacks. This is probably not true to some extent. Firstly, it is not wasting that consumers buy something valuable, even though they buy a vast number of commodities back and never use, because the investment can be recalled anytime. For instance, purchase antiques. Secondly, we cannot arbitrarily conclude since there are various ways that individuals taking care of their personal goods wisely. Donation is a case in point. Therefore, extra consumption is nothing directly related to wasting.<br />
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In addition, it is universally acknowledged that the productivity will have increased by consuming behavior. Obviously, factories would produce more commodities in order to satisfy people’s needs if they had sold out. Meanwhile, mass consumption would encourage economic development as well. It is worth mentioning that the consumer index increased 30 per cent in China last year, so she maintained a very high growth rate in terms of GDP, which reported by British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) two months ago.<br />
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To sum up, shopping for entertainment makes great contribute to society, such as, stimulate economic development, even though it might be true that it would cause wasting. Consequently, I am strongly believed that increasingly entertaining consumption is a positive development.<br />
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Guys --> Buying ?
Is always being good --->. Is always good,
第一段逻辑不严密，entertainment与extra money的联系没有提到。
Subscribe to 的这个用法没见过，不过你也许用的是对的，也许是我水平不够
Clear up还是clean up?
Stress 这个有点chinglish，考虑是否改为clarify
Denote要改成被动语态。
Cannot define这句需要修改语法错误。
第三段第一句太口语化。第二句也有语法错误。
赶去上班，先说这么多。
建议楼主自己修改好后，在贴上来让高手也来参与修改。
It is believed that people is willing buy things they like as they can afford
找个茬 is willing buy? 两个动词之间没有to啊。。。
It may donate to charity or something else。
这个地方应该用被动语态或者体现主语出来吧
It maybe donated to ..
多谢楼上几位,我仔细看下
不要太信我的
我还没考过雅思。。。
你的ACS怎么还没有出结果啊？
如果只学他的套路，不领会精髓确实提高比较难。楼主的文章总体不错，离7分差距还是有的，加油。
先修正单复数、冠词等语法问题，总分会有一定提升。这是我的感觉
It is believed that people is(are) willing 单复数问题
Let me just give you a different perspective 有点绕口可以换成 While on the other hand.
shopping becoming a way of entertainment is a positive development 这个可以换成if的虚拟从句，语法复杂可以拿分
我也是学生和你一样痛苦烤鸭中，楼主文章大概6-7分中间吧
楼主的大优点：很敢于写，思路很活跃，把握得当可以有很多加分的